Cliche, A Fail Tale
by Atara with a Diamond
Summary: We've noticed that there are some pretty bad fics in the fandom, so we decided to attempt to top it all. As they say on this site, R and R. And flames are accepted. XD
1. Create A Cat Form

**Okay, so here's how this'll work. We give people three updates to submit their cats. After that, we fill in the rest with our own OC's. Trust us, they're bad. So give us your most noncanonical cats for our fail!tale. But it has to be appropriate. No cats named Buttbrain, Dirtplace, or anything like that. Submit your cats in your reviews.  
**

**-Scrata**

**Form:**

Name:

Age:

Gender:

Appearance:

Personality:

Clan (SunClan, IvyClan, MoonClan, or AirClan):

Position:

History:

Other:


	2. Allegiances Update 1

**As/N: So for this update, we're filling in submitted cats, and major players in the story. Of course, none of the cats that have been filled in can be taken again.**

_SunClan_

**Leader: **Couragestar: Beige tom with light green eyes and a ripped left ear.

**Apprentice- Dragonpaw**

**Deputy:** Darkheart: Smoky gray she-cat with purple eyes.

**Medicine Cat: **

**Warriors:**

Ronweasel: Bright ginger tom with dark ginger streaks and amber eyes.

Caramelpelt: Caramel-brown she-cat, amber eyes.

Starscream: Glow-in-the-dark furred she-cat, red eyes.

**Apprentices:**

Blossompaw: Brown and white spotted she-cat.

Amberpaw: Brown she-cat, amber eyes.

Dragonpaw: Beautiful ginger she-cat with a white patch of fur on top of her head. White underbelly and chest.

Poisonpaw: Mysterious black tom, luminous green eyes.

Lilypaw: Pale brown she-cat, white underbelly and chest.

**Queens:**

**Elders:**

_IvyClan_

**Leader: **Powerstar: Small black tom, dark red eyes. Two scars form an 'X' between his ears.

**Deputy: **Starsky: Handsome silver and black tabby tom, pale pink eyes.

**Medicine Cat:**

**Warriors:**

Honeymoon: Stunning golden she-cat with luminous pale blue eyes. Long legs, long fur.

**Apprentices:**

**Queens:**

**Elders:**

_MoonClan_

**Leader: **Moonstar: Young silky silver she-cat, alluring aqua eyes. White crescent-shaped patch of fur in top of head, shines bright when moonlight shines on it.

**Deputy: **Goldenbadger: Light brown tom with a brown stripe down his back, emerald-green eyes.

**Apprentice- Snapepaw**

**Medicine Cat: **Mosspelt: Brown tabby, bright green eyes. _No apprentice._

**Warriors:**

Brambleflight: Dark brown tabby tom, dark green eyes.

**Apprentices:**

Snapepaw: Black tom, white paws, ears, and tail. Green-blue eyes, pointy nose.

**Queens:**

****Dawnrose- Pretty young black she-cat. One amber eye, one green eye. Mate of Brambleflight.

**Elders:**

_AirClan_

**Leader: **Sillystar: Dark tabby tom with confetti-colored streaks in his fur.

**Deputy:**

**Medicine Cat:**

**Warriors:**

**Apprentices:**

**Queens:**

**Elders:**

**As/N-**

**We need: SunClan medicine cat, SunClan warriors, 1-2 SunClan queens, 2-3 SunClan elders. IvyClan medicine cat, IvyClan warriors, IvyClan apprentices, 1-2 IvyClan queens, IvyClan elders. MoonClan warriors, MoonClan apprentices, MoonClan elders. ALL OF AIRCLAN...but the leader. StarClan cats, kits. And please submit more than one cat if you can.**


	3. Allegiances: Final

**As/N: These are the final allegiances. Sorry we didn't do the 3 updates we promised, but oh, well. DX  
**

_SunClan_

**Leader: **Couragestar: Beige tom with light green eyes and a ripped left ear.

**Apprentice- Dragonpaw**

**Deputy:** Darkheart: Smoky gray she-cat with purple eyes.

**Apprentice- Applepaw**

**Medicine Cat: **Slippingfoot: Small silver tom, sleek and shiny fur. Orange eyes, long tail.

**Apprentice- Bubblewhisper**

**Warriors:**

Ronweasel: Bright ginger tom with dark ginger streaks and amber eyes.

**Apprentice: Ravenpaw**

Caramelpelt: Caramel-brown she-cat, amber eyes.

Starscream: Glow-in-the-dark furred she-cat, red eyes.

**Apprentice: Lakepaw**

Sunshinecloud: Sandy-colored she-cat amber eyes.

Leopardgrizzly: Small lithe she-cat, sparkling sliver and gray spotted fur, long fluffy tail, golden eyes.

Swiftcloud: White tom, black patches, green eyes.

**Apprentice: Nightpaw**

Fastleg: Small black she-cat, blue eyes.

**Apprentice- Poisonpaw**

Peachpath: Pink-red tom, amber eyes.

Rainbowriver: Rainbow she-cat.

**Apprentice: Rosepaw**

Kindheart: Ginger she-cat with white splotches, green eyes.

**Apprentice- Lionpaw**

Moonstep: Pale gray she-cat, gray eyes. Born to MoonClan.

**Apprentices:**

Dragonpaw: Beautiful ginger she-cat with a white patch of fur on top of her head. White underbelly and chest.

Poisonpaw: Mysterious black tom, luminous green eyes.

Ravenpaw: Small fluffy black she-cat with a white patch on her belly and deep blue eyes.

Rosepaw: Tall, beautiful she-cat with ginger paws and stunning green eyes.

Lakepaw: Short-furred gray tabby with bright blue eyes.

Nightpaw: Black she-cat with white paws and yellow eyes.

Applepaw: Golden-brown she-cat with brown tail-tip, ears, and paws. Light green eyes.

Lionpaw: Bright gold tom with deep amber eyes.

**Queens:**

Pinkheart: Black she-cat with a pink patch on her chest, purple eyes.

**Elders:**

Nachofur: Dark golden tom.

Lumberingnight: Large silver tom, dark orange eyes.

_IvyClan_

**Leader: **Powerstar: Small black tom, dark red eyes. Two scars form an 'X' between his ears.

**Deputy: **Starsky: Handsome silver and black tabby tom, pale pink eyes.

**Medicine Cat:** Phoenixfire: Red tom, golden paws, eyes change colors with mood.

**Warriors:**

Honeymoon: Stunning golden she-cat with luminous pale blue eyes. Long legs, long fur.

Angryheart: Black tom, one red eye and one yellow eye, 3 jagged white markings across belly that look like scars.

Brightrainbow: Rainbow she-cat, black eyes, white crescent-shaped birthmark curling around left eye.

Fleecefur: Fluffy white tom, blue eyes.

Fearclaw: Big, burly blood-red tom, slash through left eye. Scars cover body.

Worrynose: Pale brown she-cat, big green eyes.

Bloodfang: Black and red tom, poison-green eyes.

**Apprentices:**

Turtlepaw: Tortoiseshell she-cat, amber eyes.

Cornpaw: Yellow she-cat.

**Queens:**

Hedgehogjump: Rainbow she-cat, mother of Shadowkit (Black tom), Sonickit (Blue tom), Creamkit (Beige she-kit), and Tailskit (ginger tom)

**Elders:**

_MoonClan_

**Leader: **Moonstar: Young silky silver she-cat, alluring aqua eyes. White crescent-shaped patch of fur in top of head, shines bright when moonlight shines on it.

**Deputy: **Goldenbadger: Light brown tom with a brown stripe down his back, emerald-green eyes.

**Apprentice- Snapepaw**

**Medicine Cat: **Mosspelt: Brown tabby, bright green eyes. _No apprentice._

**Warriors:**

Brambleflight: Dark brown tabby tom, dark green eyes.

Unicornglimmer: White she-cat.

**Apprentice: Fishpaw**

Diamondmoon: Silvery-white she-cat

Silversoul: Silver tom.

**Apprentice- Moonglacier**

Goldenheart: Golden she-cat.

Whaletail: Blue-gray tom, thick tail.

Clawclaw: Dark brown tabby tom, ice-blue eyes.

**Apprentices:**

Snapepaw: Black tom, white paws, ears, and tail. Green-blue eyes, pointy nose.

Moonglacier: Silver she-cat, gray flecks, amber eyes.

Fishpaw: Gray and silver tom, light blue eyes.

**Queens:**

Dawnrose: Pretty young black she-cat. One amber eye, one green eye. Mate of Brambleflight.

Ashblow: Gray she-cat, mother of Stupidkit (Brown tom), Smartkit (Yellow tom), and Environmentalkit (Blue and green marbled she-kit)

**Elders:**

Ironbone: Old dark gray she-cat.

_AirClan_

**Leader: **Sillystar: Dark tabby tom with confetti-colored streaks in his fur.

**Deputy: **Ripplebreeze: White long-furred she-cat with a blue paw and a scar on her belly.

**Medicine Cat: **Lilyfire: Pale ginger tabby she-cat, dark blue eyes.

**Warriors:**

Dripwing: White and gray marbled she-cat.

Mudtooth: Dark brown tom.

Swantail: White she-cat

Crystalheart: White she-cat, green eyes.

Brownnose: White and pink tabby she-cat, brown muzzle.

Birdfang: Ginger she-cat, yellow muzzle.

Sneakycow: Thin black and white spotted she-cat.

**Apprentices:**

Auburnpaw: Brown/red tabby she-cat, white paws and chest, turquoise eyes.

Toadpaw: Black and white tom, green eyes.

**Queens:**

**Elders:**

Leapnight: Black tom.

_Cats Outside the Clans_

Onstar: White tom, blue stars on his pelt, blue eyes. StarClan cat.

**As/N- This'll be the final allegiances, but feel free to submit more cats, and we'll try to find a way to fit some of them into the story. We deeply appreciate your support for this fic. If anyone can email us the link to the fic: The Twoleg Warrior, please do. And the original, we mean, if it's still up.**


	4. Prologue

**As/N: Well, now that we've finished the allegiances, we've just got the story part to remember to update. And to the anonymous reviewer by the name of "Jayfeather4ever", this fic is a parody. It's not supposed to be realistic or canonical at all, considering the fic goes by the name of "Cliche: A **_**Fail Tale**_**".**

**Disclaimer: We don't own the fic "The Twoleg Warrior" or any of its variations.**

I scanned the list up and down several times. Emma, Sarah, Alan, Kathy... Where was I? The sheett of paper had the names of those who had made the school play, and in such a large school, I was bound to shine as an actress. But yet...my name was not included. I should have been on the list beside the name "Juliet", I know I should have, but at this point, I didn't even make _ensemble._

"Something wrong?" I thought I heard someone ask. It was a soft, melodious tone, one that sounded genuinely concerned, one I had never heard in my life. I turned to see who had spoken, but I saw nobody. I guessed it had just been me, and it was true. I didn't have friends at this big school, nobody to console me if something was wrong.

I looked down at myself. My dark auburn hair extended to my shoulders in a pair of smooth waves. I looked through my bronze-colored glasses at my tall height of five foot eight, which was tall for a ninth grader. I wore only a simple olive-green tank top and a denim jacket over my torso. My jeans were plain and dark, and my once-white Nikes were worn and graying. I began to ask myself: Did I have star potential? I had to believe so.

I lumbered towards the buses, my hopes crushed, pushing open the big glass doors that led outside.

"Hey, girlie!" an underclad senior jeered. "Where are all your friends?"

I curtly ignored the boy amd proceeded towards the large yellow bus that would be my ride home. As I climbed the steps, I saw the familiar sight of everyone on the bus sitting beside someone, and I knew today would be just as lonely as every day. I sat down in the front seat, laid my large-heavy backpack beside me, and pulled out my cherry-red iPod. I had recieved it for my birthday, and I treasured it so much, it already had five hundred songs on it. As the bus began to move, I tuned the world out, focusing completely on the song I was listening to.

"Mom, I'm home!" I called out, closing and locking the front dorr behind me.

"That's great, sweetie," my mom replied sarcastically.

"Thanks for the support!" I yelled back, setting my backpack down on the designated "backpack bench". There were still a few boxees in sight, though we had moved to this area in August.

My cat, MJ, immediately greeted me. The black and white cat had, in fact, been named for Michael Jackson, but he had been named while the human MJ was still living. The incredibly social cat rubbed up against my legs, purring a cheerful greeting. He plopped down and rolled around on his back, and I knew MJ needed attention. I got on my knees and rubbed the cat's belly, hearing a satisfied purr in return. But one glance at the my backpack reminded me of the load of homework I had been assigned. I pulled out my binder and set to work at the kitchen table.

I looked at MJ. All he ever had to do was eat, sleep, and get excercise occasionally. He ran around the house once and that kept him from getting fat. He had no need for school or homework, just...nothing.

"Oh, MJ," I sighed, and he padded dutifully to my side. "I wish I were like you."

"As you wish," the melodious voice said to me, the voice I recognized that had spoken to me earlier.

Nobody had actually said anything, once again, but that didn't matter. I was shrinking rapidly. My ears shrank into my head, and triangular ears sprouted from the top of my head. My hands and feet became paws, and my sping moved to become horizontal like a cat's, while ginger fur grew wherever skin should be. A muzzle grew from my face as my eyes became rounded. And when I thought it couldn't get more uncomfortable, I was then assaulted by clothes falling on top of me.

My first instinct was to claw myself out, and I didn't think twice when my claws slid out of my pads and slashed at the olive tank top that I had spent twenty dollars on. My head poked out of the hole, and then I pushed the rest of myself through.

"Lizzie?" MJ gasped, looking me up and down. He was suddenly bigger than me, and I was now a cat.

"Wow, MJ, you're so big!" I exclaimed, and then I heard footsteps approaching loudly. I knew the sound of my mom's high heels, but I couldn't understand why they were so loud.

The moment my mom laid eyes on me, a stern look crossed her face.

"Stray! Get out!" she yelled fearfully. Her arms waved wildly, and she stomped her feet loudly. To human ears, the combined noises would be annoying, but for my now-enhanced cat ears, it was purely unbearable. I turned tail and ran, MJ running beside me.

"Come, there's an opening!" MJ called to me, and pelted forwards. I followed, and we both hit the net of wiring headfirst.

"Ow!" I hissed imaptiently, and slashed wildly at the mesh. Once I had clawed a sufficient hole, I leapt out.

"Run, Liz!" MJ meowed after me. I bolted down the wooden staircase to the ground and ran towards the forest behind my backyard, angry yells from my mom following me.


	5. Chapter 1: AirClan

**As/N: This may be our last update for a while now. Scrat's doing NaNoWriMo, so all November, no updates, and it might take a while in December, too. But we were so happy when we got this huge flood of reviews just hours after we posted. So we're updating again. =D**

It was a cold, dark night. Well, less cold than it was dark. The sliver of a crescent moon shone over a dense forest, casting shadows of each tree. Two cats were barely in sight, sitting on a slab of rock that jutted out from the ground at an awkward angle. The first cat, the one that sat on the top, was a beige tom with a ripped left ear. His light green eyes shone in the night, creating an eerie luminescence. His companion was far smaller, and could pass for a young kit were he any more miniature. This small tom was silver like the moon that shone in his fur, his pelt sleek and shining. The luminescence from his orange eyes created a stare that could gaze through any cat.

"Have you seen anything recently?" the beige tom asked quietly.

"Not ye- wait!" the silver tom replied. He froze in his position, staring past the beige tom at something only he could see.

"What is it, Slippingfoot?" the beige tom asked urgently.

"Dragon..." was the word that slipped off Slippingfoot's tongue. He choked the word out.

"What's a dragon?" the beige tom inquired wildly.

"Listen to me, Couragestar," Slippingfoot croaked. "Dragon captured, power's reign."

"Slippingfoot, what does that mean?" Couragestar begged.

"Dragon captured, power's reign! Dragon captured, power's reign! Dragon captured, power's..." Slippingfoot trailed off, exhaling before his chest lay still. He toppled to the ground, never to speak again.

"Slippingfoot!" Couragestar yowled, burying his nose in his friend's fur. And then he heard a shriek.

"Stay here, Slippingfoot," Couragestar pleaded, then pelted off in the direction of the shriek.

He ran blindly through the dense forest, barely noticing that his pawsteps took him to the border with AirClan. That was terrible. There was no telling what would happen if Sillystar caught wind that Couragestar had been in his territory. Then the cat yowled again.

"Who are you?" the shrieker asked in a high-pitched voice. The speaker sounded female, and didn't seem a moon over two seasons. Her fear-scent extended to where Couragestar was, and only made him go faster.

Couragestar burst into a small clearing between his and the AirClan border, a place known as Sunstar's clearing, named in memory of the Clan's founder. Tall maples surrounded Couragestar and the four cats he had burst in on. Three of them carried the scent of AirClan, and Couragestar recognized Dripwing, Swantooth, and Toadpaw from Gatherings. The fourth cat carried a scent Couragestar didn't recognize, and he was sure that he hadn't seen this cat before. He assumed she had been the cat who had shrieked earlier. She was a ginger she-cat, with a white chest and underbelly. He only saw her from the back, but Couragestar could tell that she was only about six moons old.

"Oh, my God!" the kit squealed as Couragestar approached, eyeing the tear in the tom's left ear. Fear-scent eminated off of her in waves. Then Couragestar spoke.

"Leave the kit alone!" he demanded firmly.

"Why should we? She was trespassing on our territory," Swantooth sneered.

"Not exactly," Couragestar replied calmly. "If you trace her fear-scent, you can find that she was on our territory first, giving me, the Clan leader, the sole right to pass judgement on what to do with her."

"Alright," Dripwing agreed grudgingly. "But we at least have to take her to our camp."

"Then I'm coming, too."

"Suit yourself," Dripwing replied. He turned tail and padded our of the forest, emerging into an open moor, which stretched as far as the eyes could see. There was a small depression in the ground close to the five cats' paws, and when Swantooth's party seemed to disappear into the ground, Couragestar and the ginger she-cat followed hesitantly.

"Hello," Couragestar murmured to the ginger she-cat. She turned her head, and Couragestar saw a white mark in between her ears, a white patch of fur that Couragestar felt like he had seen before, though he knew he hadn't, and instantly, the word 'dragon' came to mind. Couragestar's eyes widened in shock, and he felt an instant connection to this she-cat. Dripwing's voice snapped him back to the present.

"Welcome to the AirClan camp," Dripwing mewed, rolling his eyes in an obviously bored fashion.

"I'll go get Sillystar," Swantooth muttered, and disappeared into another ditch to get his leader. After a moment, Swantooth and a dark tabby with rainbow-colored streaks emerged from the ditch. The dark tabby's eyes darted back and forth wildly, and Couragestar bowed his head to get the cat's attention.

"Greetings, Sillystar," Couragestar mewed.

"'Ello, Couragestar!" Sillystar replied happily. "How are you?"

"Good..." Couragestar replied awkwardly. Couragestar would never be used to Sillystar, but Sillystar was...well, silly.

"Sillystar, we found this intruder on our territory while we were on our patrol."

"Well..." Sillystar mused. "Throw them...a feast!"


	6. Chapter 2: Apprentice

**As/N: Thanks for the reviews. And we're updating one more time before Scrat starts her NaNo. And for a short bit of advertising: check out our forum! :D**

"So Couragestar, what brings you to AirClan?" asked Sillystar.

"The ginger cat your warriors brought in," answered Couragestar. The two toms were in Sillystar's ditch, talking after the feast. The feast had consisted of fresh rabbit, which Couragestar ate kindly, while the ginger she-cat refused to touch a thing.

"You mean the she-cat with the white patch?" Sillystar asked quietly.

"Yes, her. I wish to take her back to my Clan."

"Really? What if Nachofur introduces her to...Mmm, nachos..."

"That won't be so bad. So now that the feast is over, can I take her?"

"As soon as you tell me what the scent was on her. It's not kittypet, so you better not give me that kind of mousedung," Sillystar meowed, dead serious all of a sudden.

"I simply don't know, Sillystar."

"Okay, then!" Sillystar mewed happily.

Couragestar stood up and padded out of the ditch, emerging in the main AirClan camp. The ginger she-cat was sitting in the camp alone, refusing to even associate with another cat. Couragestar padded up to her.

"Come on," Couragestar murmured brusquely to her as he passed. "We're leaving."

"We are?" the ginger she-cat mewed happily. "Where are we going?"

"SunClan," Couragestar replied, turning his head to call her.

"S-SunClan? What's that?"

"My home."

Slowly, the ginger cat got to her paws and padded cautiously, glancing back and forth as if any cat withh try and stop them. The camp's guard nodded to the two cats as the left the AirClan camp, full after the feast.

"So, what's your name-" the ginger she-cat mewed conversationally.

"Couragestar."

"Okay, Couragestar. That's a cool name. But don't you have a normal name like Sandy or kitty-fuzzy-kitty-kitty-kitty-cat?"

"I'm no kittypet," Couragestar told the ginger cat curtly.

"Kittypet? Like a housecat?"

"Yes, yes. Where do you come from? What's your name?"

"My name's Liz, and wher I come from is...well, hard to explain."

"Are you a kittypet?"

"No, but my friend, MJ, is."

"Hmm. You do understand that I can eat you whenever I like, right?" Couragestar asked her with a smile, trying the 'eat other cats' idea to swee if she believed it.

"Then why haven't you? Shouldn't I have been the main course at your feast?" Liz replied smugly.

"I like you," Couragestar stated outright.

"Can I ask a question now?"

"Go ahead."

"Why does the cat have rainbow flecks?"

"You mean Sillystar?"

"That's his name?"

"Well, that's because... I don't know."

"Okay. Wait, is that clearing the camp?"

"Why...yes, it is."

"It looks nice," Liz complimented. "Very natural."

As the two cats approached the camp, Moonstep nodded to Couragestar and glanced inquisitively at Liz, focusing mainly at the spot between her ears where the dragon mark was. Couragestar passed Moonstep with a nod, beckoning Liz with a flick of his tail-tip. As the two entered the camp, Liz's fear-scent attracted many curious glances in their direction. Before questions could be directed at Couragestar, he leapt onto the Highslab and yowled his call to the Clan.

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath the Highslab for a Clan meeting!" Couragestar yowled as cats began to gather below the large slab of rock that jutted out from the ground in the middle of the camp.

"Slippingfoot...is dead," he announced first. Gasps and grief-stricken yowls pierced the air, and Couragestar tried to calm them down. "He was a great medicine cat, and an even better friend."

"What happened?" Kindheart, Slippingfoot's sister, asked sadly.

"I...don't know," Couragestar meowed shamefully. It seemed like he didn't know anything today.

"And who's she?" snarled Rosepaw, shooting a deathly glare at Liz.

"She...is Liz. She's a rogue who wishes to join the Clan."

"I never said-" Liz began to meow, when Couragestar cut her off.

"She's a remarkably intelligent cat, and we could all use her help."

"So you're letting a _rogue _join our Clan?" Caramelpelt snarled, leaping up on all four paws to disagree with Couragestar.

"Yes. Liz, from this day until you recieve your warrior name, you shall be known as Dragonpaw, after the dragon patch between your ears. I will be your mentor."

"_What_?" the entire Clan snarled collectively as Couragestar announced he would mentor Dragonpaw.

"Now we touch noses," Couragestar encouraged Dragonpaw as she stood there dumbly. Dragonpaw touched noses with her new mentor, and instantly became an object of ridicule for the Clan.

**As/N: Like it?**


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